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| Cookie Vocals |
Cookie comes to us from Kansas City, although we're not sure if it's the one in Kansas or Missouri. She has a theater degree, which means she can essentially pick and choose any waitressing job she wants. She has even shared the stage with Theodore Bikel in Fiddler on the Roof, which is amazing since Cookie rarely shares anything. Although a very accomplished singer, Cookie despises success and chose to join the Alte Rockers to balance out her otherwise productive career. |
| Dick E. Bird Keyboards, Vocals |
Dick E. Bird was the youngest of four sons born to P. Divert (AKA The Great White Antelope) and Lois (AKA The Navigator). Music became Dick E.’s life long obsession and life long affinity when he first remembered listening to music coming from the TV and seeing the NBC peacock in brilliant black and white. As Dick E. grew, so did his interest in the arts. He played the lead character in Marvelous Marvin Martin’s 6th grade original production “The Giant Shrinker.” His musical interests included guitar, learned at the Old Town School of Folk Music in Chicago, clarinet, harmonica, kazoo, and piano. Music interruptus occurred with a stint on the New Trier High School swim team. His brain waterlogged after 4 years in the pool, Dick E. was known as The Dolphin because he could travel vast distances underwater and talk simultaneously. When his head dried out, Dick E. attended Duke University, where his interest in the Duke University Marching Band (DUMB) was ignited by the band’s unique choreography and sound. Unfortunately DUMB lacked an opening for Dick E. Eventually Dick E. moved back to Chicago and settled down in the suburbs working as a CPA, where he met and married an Irish lass, Beth. Soon they were proud parents of two strapping young lads, Aaron McFarren and Barry O’Leary. But music still raged in his soul. Somewhat bored with his daily routine, he recalled the DUMB days and realized his true calling was music. The Alte Rockers, passionate in their performances, parodies and satire, fulfill Dick E. Bird’s inner spirit. |
| Noodles Guitar, Vocals |
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| Scruffy Bass, Vocals |
Scruffy was born to a very well to do a milchig butcher's family in Great Neck, NY. Schooled at Choate and bribed into Princeton, Scruffy poured into his studies learning about computers. At the end of the century, he convinced his parents to loan him several millions for dollars to develop BeanCasserole.com. He unfortunately bankrupted his parents and himself, not only due to the dot-com bust, but that he did not account for the strength of a rival website, Cassoulet.com. With most of his industries jobs outsourced, he learned to play mean bass. He disappears for months at a time, managing to stay one step ahead of his parents, who have a lien against his estate and already got one of his Rickenbackers. |
| Shpilkes Vocals, Guidance |
Shpilkes comes from a long line of females dating back to her great-great-great grandmother. She had a promising career in law until her partnership in Gornisht, Helfen and Gevalt was revoked because she kept finding herself guilty in court. Her next career in flower sales blossomed, giving her a chance to indulge in her true passion--corrupted rock 'n' roll parodies. Shpilkes was the cantor at JRC (The Jewish Reconstructionist Congregation) for 10 years, until they discovered that she was leading the Alte Rockers (they thought she said "Hot Rockets"). |
| Smokey Drums, Vocals |
Smokey barely escaped being stolen from the Chicago hospital where he was born. He grew up rapidly, aging a year for each 365 days. Before he knew it, he was over the hill. The grass wasn't any greener on this side of the hill, but it was cleanly mown. Suffering from a mid-life crisis, Smokey switched from Bass Guitar to Drums, landing an ongoing gig with the infamous Alte Rockers. Smokey now resides where he lives. |
| Speedy Guitar, Vocals |
Speedy was born the son of a poor sharecropper on a mayonnaise farm just West of French Lick Indiana. As boy he showed an aptitude for daydreaming, and being able to ingest insane amounts of TV. After growing disenchanted with the ‘Partridge Family Fan Club’ he realized he yearned for different kind of Rock and Roll, and took up the guitar. At seventeen, he left home to seek his fortune in Chicago. After getting fired from the Post Office for never actually showing up to work, he took was forced to take a position at a Hedge Fund to make ends meet. All the while he never gave his dream of playing Guitar, and settling down with a Liberal Jewish Post Modern Eco-Feminist. This culminated with a position as ‘AlteRockers’ rhythm guitarist, and co-head of a fairly chaotic but essentially stable household in Evanston. |